Now that's a hamburger

I woke up yesterday morning with a single purpose.   I had a vision.   It was a vision of a cheeseburger.   I had been seeing it in my head for days.   It was not something original, it had been done before, but I had never done it and yesterday morning I set my mind to task.

I headed off to the grocery store.  I needed supplies.   I purchased a range of things that would be required for my task.  I needed hamburger.   I bought three quarters of a pound of 93/7 ground beef.   I would have preferred 80/20, but my grocery store prides itself on quality so they keep their ground beef a little leaner.   I briefly considered asking them to add some fat, but I decided that I would just plus up with bacon instead.   For bacon, I got half a pound of hickory smoked goodness.   I also need tomato, cheese, lettuce, and buns.   I grabbed a loaf of Franz White Bread.   I know what you’re thinking, how can I make a bun of that?   Stay with me, I promise it will work out.

I got home and started my preparations.   The first thing was to fry the bacon.   I cooked up the half pound in two sessions with my large skillet.   After the second batch was completed, I had a very nice pool of rendered fat across the bottom of the pan.   I pounded out my patty.   I added salt and pepper and threw that baby into the sizzling bacon fat.   In the mean time I cut up tomato, onion and lettuce.   I threw the onion rounds in with the popping meat to fry along with the rest of the party. 

I took 4 pieces of white bread and buttered them heavily.   I grabbed my George Foreman grill.  (Okay, in the interest of journalistic integrity, it’s actually a Cusinart Griddler , but it’s basically the same thing.)   I put a Kraft Single between each of the two sets of bread and threw them into the grill.   This created two individual grilled cheese sandwiches which would serve as the top and bottom of my bun.   I threw a third slice of cheese on top of my sizzling hamburger patty and watched as it started to melt down into the pool of bacon grease. 

I laid out my two cheese sandwiches and slathered them with mayonnaise.   I put on the patty, with its melted cheese and added the grilled onions.   I stacked on the lettuce, tomato, and bacon.   It was a sight to behold.

I dug into my masterpiece with the gusto of a starving man.   I shoved in bite after bite chasing them with Langunitas Imperial Stout.   I was sure I could get it all down, but once again I was wrong.   The food and drink hit my stomach like a bunker buster bomb.  I could feel the expansion as each part of that artery clogging mess passed my lips and into my gullet.   In the end,  I could not finish it.

I gave it my all though.   I’m not ashamed of my effort.