I misled you in one of my previous posts and it’s been bugging me ever since. I said that I was in favor of gay marriage and I’m really not. It’s just that I seem to only have two choices; I can be for it or I can be against it. Given those two choices, I would have to say that I’m for it, but what I really want is something different. My real preference is to remove the concept of marriage from our legal system.
An acquaintance of mine got married this week. I wasn’t invited. Well, hardly anyone was. They got married after work one day. They had been long term domestic partners. They were doing their taxes and decided to see what the difference would be if they were married. It turns out they could save quite a bit of money by being married so they went ahead and did it. Well, why not? They were already committed to each other, might as well save the money too. It’s lucky for them that they were a heterosexual couple. I know another couple that isn’t quite so lucky.
It’s not just unfair to gay couples though, it’s also unfair to single people. Where do we get off structuring the tax system around some predefined notion of family? One person, one vote, right? Well, one person, one tax. I believe that the entire income tax system is unfair, but this particular tenant is more egregiously so. It’s a relic from a time long past. It actually goes back to when women were expected to just stay home and have babies. I don’t think many of us want to go back there.
I say that marriage is fine. I’m all for commitment and public expressions of it. You can do this in your church. You can do it in front of your family. You can invite who you want and have anyone you want perform the ceremony. It’s also then up to you to honor that commitment. If you want the legal system to support you in that agreement, then that’s called a contract. Draw one up if you think you need one. What better way to test the depth of your love than pre-negotiating your breakup. What we have now with marriage is an implied contract made up of common laws that get argued during divorces for months on end. Ridiculous! Draw up the contract and spell it all out. Do this at the beginning. It’s a lot easier while you still don’t hate each other.
The legal concept of marriage only creates inequity. It muddies up the tax law and is a silly way to create a contract. It’s exclusionary to millions of people. Specifying who we want to make our medical decisions and how we want to divide our assets is basic contract stuff. Our society needs to recognize it for what it is and make everyone do it the same way.
The original "concept" of marriage was (is) that two people (one male and one female) who practice the disciplines of llove would become one person.
ReplyDeleteThat can only be appreciated by the accomplishment of the task. Nothing, I repeat, nothing in this life is more beautiful, satisfying, and peaceful.
I know! I know!Politically incorrect. But it is well,well worth the hassle, the tax problems, the percieved unfairness, and the struggle to "make it happen."
Ask someone who knows!
After reading your post, I decided to look up the definition of the words contract and marriage.
ReplyDeleteContract - a formal or legally binding agreement, e.g. one for the sale of property, or one setting out terms of employment.
Marriage - a legally recognized relationship, established by a civil or religious ceremony, between two people who intend to live together as sexual and domestic partners; a married relationship between two people, or a somebody's relationship with his or her spouse.
I wasn’t surprised by the definition of the word contract, but was bothered by the inclusion of the term “legally recognized” in the definition of marriage. While my marriage is legally recognized, that is not what makes it real or special. It is the love, dedication and work – yes work – that is part of that relationship.
It is difficult to hear that something I treasure can be used by two people to receive a tax break. It is harder yet to know that two people who truly love one another and have dedicated themselves to each other are denied any “recognition” whatsoever.
What does this say about us? As long as you are like me, you too can benefit!
Shame on us!