Lake Oswego

I feel like I’ve been homeless for the last couple of months.   I’m not living on the street or anything, but I’m between homes and therefore living in a temporary apartment.   It’s very strange having a landlord.   I hadn’t had one in a long time.   I bought my first house in 1992.   I did spend a year in an apartment in 1995/96, but for the last 14 years I’ve owned something.  I think the biggest problem I have with my current situation is the fact that the apartment I live in now came fully furnished.  This means that I have very few of my own things.   I feel like I’m living in someone else’s house, which of course, I am. 

The city where I currently reside is called Lake Oswego.  I find that I hate it there.    Lake Oswego is a very uppity bedroom community just outside of Portland.   It’s the kind of place where stay at home Moms get laws passed.  It’s illegal to shoot an Air Soft gun within the city limits.   

I took a walk through Lake Oswego (the city) yesterday and went down to Lake Oswego (the lake).    Unfortunately Lake Oswego (the lake) is currently Lake Oswego (the mud flat).   Oswego Lake had to be drained in order to repair the sewer.   The sewer, you ask?   Yes, the sewer.   The city’s sewer runs right under the center of the lake.  It’s kind of fun looking at all of these houses, restaurants, sailing club, and parks all right next to this mud puddle with a big pipe running through the center of it.  I actually walked down along the side of the lake looking out over mud and it made me kind of happy.  I walked through the nice park area, past the “No Skateboarding” signs, and sat on a park bench overlooking the mess of Oswego Lake.    The place will be beautiful again in a few months.    I will be long gone by then.

Moral Ambiguity

I remember talking to my Father when I was young about knowing right from wrong.   He told me that if I wanted wisdom that I should ask God for it and he would give it to me.   This is actually from a passage in the Bible, in the book of James.   It goes something like, if you don’t have wisdom just ask God and he will give it to you.   Pretty simple.   As I child this seemed like a no brainer and so I did it.   I asked God to give me wisdom.   The strange thing is that it actually worked.  After this seminal moment, I could look at any situation and think to myself, “Is this right?” and I would know.   This was cool.    Now that I’ve got this wisdom thing down I can get on with the other stuff I need to do.  

As I’ve gotten older my ability to tell right from wrong seems to have gotten weaker.  I now get situations every day where I look at them and think, “Is this right?” and I’m not so sure.   Things are far more complicated now.   I have times where I really feel like I need to know something.   How far should I go to find out?   Is it okay to do this seemingly bad thing in order to serve the greater good?   This is probably the biggest area of moral ambiguity.   Does the end justify the means?   Do the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few?  (sorry for Star Trek reference in what is otherwise a serious missive)   I give these issues serious thought every day and I find I’m not sure anymore what constitutes right.   

The problem is, unfortunately, that I do still know.   I would just like to believe that it’s complicated.   I would like to convince myself that my situations are so complex that I can no longer discern what is right and wrong.   The truth is that I sometimes do things that are wrong and I don’t want to admit it.   I justify it in my head.    I still know the truth; I’ve just gotten a lot better at suppressing it.

This week is going to be full of strange occurrences.     I now think that my vision has been clouded by the happenings of this week.   I fear that none of our lives will be the same by next weekend.   I’m not suggesting something apocalyptic but there will be some big happenings.   Our perspectives will change.   Watch your money, watch your children, and most importantly, watch your own actions.

Cocky

I’m glad my vision of the stock market crash this week wasn’t quite as bad as I thought.   I’m not sure we’re out of the woods yet though, so be careful.  

I was thinking last night about how funny it is that youth are so cocky.   My bartender last night was sure that he could find a dessert wine that I would like.   I let him pick because, as it turns out, there is not a dessert wine that I don’t like, so he couldn’t really mess it up.   What I loved about the exchange though was how sure he was.  

He just said, “Oh, I’ll pour you something that you will like.”

“Okay!”

I mean what else can you say to such bravado?   I miss that about myself.   I used to have the same sort of swagger.   I was so sure of everything once.   The problem, as most of you already know, is that as we get older and learn more we mostly learn how much we don’t know.   I study constantly.   I do everything I can to get smarter.   The problem is, the more you learn the more you don’t know.   To be more accurate, the more you learn the more things you learn that you don’t know.   I’ve been studying wine pretty seriously for a couple of years now.   I can wax eloquently about the differences between the right and left bank Bordeaux.   I can explain why the Willamette Valley is so appropriate for Pinot Noir, while the close by Columbia Valley is better suited for Cabernet.   I can tell you why the world’s best dessert wines come from Hungary.  (okay, this is opinion, but I can tell you why I have this one)   What I’ve learned from all of this though, is that I would never attempt to just “pour you something that you will like”. 

This Egyptian thing is going to get worse.     We will see at least 1000 dead by early next week.    Mubarak will then leave office.   We should see peace restored by next Friday.    

You're not going to eat that, are you?

I like to pride myself on eating things that most people won’t eat.   I don’t mean non-foodstuffs, although those that know me probably have seen me devour a ballpoint pen or two.   Oh, and also my fingernails.   I’m not talking about that though.   What I mean here is foods that are somewhat bizarre and out of the mainstream of American eating.    I don’t get that many opportunities in America, but I do look for fun stuff wherever I can.   I’m a huge fan of Andrew Zimmern. 

I had a friend when I lived in DC who was a second generation Korean-American.   He used to take us out to Korean restaurants and order everything for us, in Korean, so that what we got was a complete surprise.   It was always really fun to find out what he ordered, because I was pretty sure he was trying to gross us out.  I remember eating shrimp with him once and they were fried whole and unpeeled.    It’s amazing how big a shrimp is when it’s got its head on.   I’m looking at this 6 inch sea monster lying on my plate thinking that it’s going to be a lot of work to remove the head and peel the damn thing.   Besides that, it’s a waste of good batter; all the good fried stuff is just going to get lost in the process.  I’m getting ready start my shrimp surgery when I see him pick one up and bite the head off and start crunching away.   Oh my!   So that’s how you do it.   I ate my first complete shrimp that night, and frankly, thought it was pretty gross.

I’ve actually caught shrimp before.   I’ve been out on a boat in the middle of Puget Sound dropping shrimp pots with open cans of cat food 200 ft. down.   I then hauled them back up manually only to find them empty.    It can be frustrating.   Over the course of the day I was out shrimping, we did this 10 or 15 times to catch about 200 shrimp in all.   They were small.   We didn’t eat the heads, although I can tell you after the amount of work it took to catch those bastards I’m not sure why not.

So, all of this has been leading up to my story for today.   Last night I went out to sushi for dinner.   Among the many things I ordered was a pair of amaebi (sweet raw shrimp).   At most places that I go for sushi, amaebi is served with the fried heads.   I don’t eat them.    It’s not that I’m grossed out or anything, it’s the texture of the exoskeleton.   I don’t really like the way it feels when I chew it.   Last night though, I was really hungry and I hadn’t ordered that much food.    The little crustacean head was just begging to be eaten.   I grabbed one up in my chopsticks, and starting from the thorax, bit it in half.  I started chewing.   I could tell that I had gotten a few whole antennae in the bite.   They felt a bit like toothpicks breaking apart as I chewed.   I worked my way through the crunchy bite and swallowed.   I felt a sharp pain in the side of my mouth.   Ouch! I thought, this really hurts!   I could feel a stabbing pain that just radiated through the side of my mouth.  I tried to move my tongue but the pain increased.   My eyes were starting to water.   I was thinking that everyone must think I’ve had too much wasabi.   I was almost paralyzed in pain and really didn’t know what to do.   I couldn’t even really figure out exactly where the source of the pain was as it seemed to be in multiple places at once.   I took a drink of water.   No help!    I took a drink of beer.   Still the agony continued!    I got up and went to the bathroom.  Standing over the sink I dug back under my tongue with my index finger fishing, well shrimping actually, for the source of the pain.   What I found was that a small piece of fried shrimp antenna had wedged itself sideways between my frenulum and lower gums.   (for my uneducated readers, the frenulum is the membrane that connects your tongue to the bottom of your mouth. )   I pulled it out and was finally out of pain.   No more shrimp heads for me for a while.

Even as I write this this morning, the market is starting to fall.   It’s going to be a brutal day for investors.   My prediction is that a market glitch will cause trading to halt about 1 hour before the final bell.   Make sure you’re done with your weeks trading before 3:00 EST.   Good luck and don’t eat any shrimp heads.

The Nature of Reality

I spent some time yesterday considering what constitutes reality.   Someone once told me that I live in a fantasy world.   I said that wasn’t true.  What I do is create my own reality.   You have to decide for yourself what is true and what isn’t.    How many times has someone said something to you like, “I know for a fact that you didn’t do that”?   In your own mind, you know 100% that you did, however, no matter what you say, you’re never going to convince them they’re wrong.   By the same token, they’re never going to convince you that you’re wrong.   What has happened in this situation is what I would call divergent reality.    The truth is no longer relevant.  Each side of the disagreement has produced a new reality for themselves.   When you really embrace this phenomenon, you can create a wonderful world for yourself where everything is exactly the way you want it.  

This then begs the question, what is truth really good for?    Well, a lot, but only if you can agree with people on what it is.   That’s why it’s fun to bring additional parties into arguments of truth.   You can create gangs of truth enforcers.    You end up with 4 or 5 people that say something is a certain way.  The poor guy by himself on the other side starts to have doubt about his position.   He looks at the greater numbers on the other side and starts to worry that maybe he is wrong.   Eventually he breaks down and truth is established across the whole.   Then truth becomes absolute.  

Ask any group of people that really, really believe something.

My prediction for today is that at some point, you personally will wonder if something that you thought was true really is.    Have fun, or at least try to believe that you are.

Tough Morning

I had one of my bad mornings today.   I used to have them about once every two weeks but lately they had been far less frequent.   I’m normally a morning person and get up pretty early to get started with my day.   On my bad mornings, I really can’t get out of bed.   I usually convince myself that I’m under the weather, overly tired, or possibly that I’ve contracted African sleeping sickness.   Sleeping sickness, or African trypanosomiasis, is a disease transmitted by the tsetse fly.   Its later stage symptoms include very long sleeping cycles.    For me, I tend to just keep hitting the snooze and falling immediately back to sleep.   I did this for about an hour this morning.    After the hour had gone by, I decided that I was going to seriously sleep in.   This required me to get up and check my schedule to ensure that I didn’t have any early meetings.   When I was sure my schedule was clear, I turned off the alarm clock and went back to sleep.   I was very disappointed in the result.    My next hour of sleep was haunted by horrible work dreams.   I first dreamed that one of our key employees went to lunch and never came back.   This dream was interrupted by a second dream that two of our top interview candidates decided to start a television show together.   Then the final act in my, obviously stress related, dream sequence play was that the IT department came and stole all of my clothes.   I don’t mean the ones I was wearing.  I mean actually came to my apartment and took my entire wardrobe.    When I confronted them about it, they told me that my clothes were in the way and had to be moved. 

I finally got out of bed two and a half hours after my normal rising time.   I was barely able to get this done before heading off to my first meeting.    You will notice that the Dow crested 12,000 first thing this morning, just like I said.    I’m also confident that I was correct about the State of the Union issue.   It was covered up so that they illusion of complete security can be maintained.   Ask any conspiracy theorist you can find.

For today, my prediction is that you will see a news story in the next couple of days about someone in the Northwest sending President Obama a bunch of smoked salmon as a gift.   I assure you, it will not be from me.   I like my smoked salmon far too much to give it away.

What am I again?

I was having a discussion with someone yesterday.  She asked not to be named in my blog, I’m not really sure why.   I think she’s concerned that I would paint her opinions incorrectly.   (That’s what comments are for, correcting me where I’m wrong!)   In any case I said I wouldn’t.   I also told her that there was no chance she could sue me for libel because I’m absent malice.  I had been dying to say that to someone since 1981 and even though it’s not quite legally correct, it was the best opportunity I’ve had.  

The conversation was regarding a picture that I saw on Facebook yesterday.   Actually, it started with that but moved to something far more profound.   The picture was of a sign at some protest.   The sign said…

“Obama is not a brown skinned anti-war socialist who gives away free healthcare.   You’re thinking of Jesus”

I said that I thought this was funny, but that I would never comment about it.   I went on to explain that I wouldn’t want people to think I was a liberal.   I am a moderate after all.

My conversation partner disagreed and said I was a conservative.   It made me think about what I really am.   It dawned on me that pretty much everyone must consider themselves moderate.   I mean it makes sense after all.   You’re beliefs are obviously all correct;  that’s why you believe them.    Also, any reasonable person must also hold these beliefs, so anyone that doesn’t is some kind of extremist.  Therefore, in your own mind, you must be a moderate, no matter what you believe.    Now, I’m not saying that you don’t know that you lean right or left.   I’m saying that everyone just leans slightly right or left.   Except of course for me, because I’m really a moderate and I sit right in the center.  

So I set out to prove that I was moderate.   I considered all of the presidential elections since I’ve been able to vote.

1988 – Voted for Bush Sr.  (Won)

1992 – Voted for Perot (Lost)

1996 – Voted for Clinton (Won)

2000 – Voted for Browne (Lost)

2004 – Voted for Badnarik (Lost)

2008 – Voted for Barr (Lost)

This proved to me that I’m doing very poorly on voting for winners.   But, I do have 1 Republican, 1 Democrat, 1 Independent, and 3 Libertarians.  

I next considered where I fell on hot button issues.

Abortion – Pro Choice

Guns – Pro Guns (all guns, even assault rifles)

Health Care – 100% Private

Education – Privatization

Illegal Immigration – Put up a fence, deport all illegals

Taxes – Lower taxes create jobs

Entitlements – Get rid of them ALL.  (Yes even Medicare and Social Security)

Holy crap, I thought.   I think most of my liberal friends would say I’m pretty damn conservative.   How could I possibly be moderate?  

Well, I think we should dismantle the military industrial complex, legalize drugs, give people the right to die, protect the national forests, allow gay marriage and generally let people live however they want.

So what am I again?   I’m tired of thinking about it.

My prediction for today is that there will be a small security issue at the State of the Union tonight.   It will most likely be a suspicious package, but could be a crazy person attempting to charge in.   Don’t worry, it all diffuses very quickly and ultimately becomes a non-issue.    Don’t forget about the big stock market drop later this week.   The spike is today, or maybe in early trading tomorrow.  

Be careful with your money, I may try to take away your social security.  (Just kidding Dad)

Red State, really?

Well I must say that I’m really excited about seeing Kevin Smith’s new movie, “Red State”.   I don’t know that much about it, so I will just speculate wildly.    From what I hear it’s a horror movie about an anti-gay preacher and his followers battling to the death with federal agents.   I’m guessing that Jay and Silent Bob will be caught in the middle somewhere.   I also wonder what role Jason Lee will play.   Hopefully, he’s the preacher.   Seriously though, I think it’s interesting when a director moves outside his traditional genre.  I hope the movie does well.   It’s got to be better than “Jersey Girl”.

I was very sad to read that Jack Lalanne died.   I really thought if anyone was going to live forever it would be that guy.  He was 96, and I saw an interview with him a couple of months ago and he seemed pretty healthy.   Almost makes me want to start drinking more juice.   I think I’ll do some jumping jacks today in honor him.

My dreams last night were completely uninterruptable.   There was something about my MBA and how I wasn’t really using it effectively.   There was also a weird thing where I was getting carded in a bar and when the lady looked at my license she said, “Wow you’re really old!”   There were just lots of random images and nothing really prophetic.   I’m going to have to continue my visionless predictions for another day.    The Dow will break 12,000 this week, but that will be followed by a drop of 500 in one day.    Look for the peak on Tuesday and the drop Thursday or Friday.

Good Luck Kevin.

RIP Jack.

The one that got away

Today was one of those days.   It started off weird and just continued down the dark path.   I woke up confused about where I was.   This happens to me often when I sleep in hotels.   You wake up and there is this awful feeling when you have no idea where you are for a couple of seconds.   You recognize that you’re not in your own bed and it takes a little bit before you figure out/remember where you really are.   Of course, your activities from the previous evening play heavily into how many seconds have to actually pass before you figure it all out.   For me, this morning, it was about 10 seconds.   Ten seconds of utter confusion.   This is followed by that “Oh, yeah” moment when it all comes flooding back.   Hotel, Party, Last night, G, s#$t, s#$t, s#$t.   I can’t believe I said that.   Oh well, time to get on with your day.

I headed out of the hotel and went to find breakfast.   I’m not sure why, but I really needed some pizza.   There are only a couple of places I know of to get pizza at 10:00 in the morning, so I headed to the Cheerful Bullpen.   I got on the train.   I briefly considered driving, but that just threatened to open up doors that I did not want to enter.   You have to love Portland on a Saturday morning.  The weirdo factor is cranked up to 11.  As I’m getting on the train I can hear this girl shouting at the top of her lungs.

                “Go steal me a bra!   I really need one!”

It’s all I can do not to look.   I’m not sure what I’ll see, so I do resist.  

On the train I there are 3 people that I can see.   Two of them get on with me, at Pioneer Courthouse Square.  One was already there.   The lady that was already on the train seemed like she just needed to get somewhere.   I could tell immediately that she was going to be a non-factor in my day.   I’m not sure why, but the old man and crazy fat lady that got on with me seemed like they were going to clash.   I think I could tell that the man was going to be important because he was wearing a nice fur cap.   I actually have one almost just like it.   Anytime I see someone wearing a hat that I have I can tell that there is going to be an interaction of some kind.   The fat woman was obviously crazy.   I mean CRAZY.   She had crazy eyes, a crazy bag, and crazy clothes.   There was no way in hell that she was not going to say something to somebody.   She sits down next to the old guy.   I’m standing by door, just in case I need to make a quick exit.   Luckily, she decides to talk to the old guy.

“I like your hat”, she says, almost like she was a normal person.

He doesn’t even acknowledge her.

“That looks like some kind of Alaska hat.”

Still nothing from him.  I’m thinking he might be deaf.

“Hey! I like your hat”, she’s now yelling! She taps him on the arm as well at this point.

The guy just sits there.   It was amazing.   I’ve never seen someone so effectively tune out the people around him.   He never even blinked.  He just sat there with this crazy lady loudly complementing his hat.   I don’t feel this way often, but I was really impressed by this guy.  

Anyway, with no reaction from the old guy in the hat, she looks over at me and shrugs.   I’m not exactly sure what she was thinking, but I have to guess it was, “Holy crap.   I’m crazy and this guy will not acknowledge it.”   I shrugged back.   I think we were both disappointed that we didn’t get to see the Alaska man react.  What can you do?

I’m getting a good feeling about the NFL playoffs tomorrow.   I’m pretty sure that both Pittsburg and Chicago are going to win.   I’m really rooting for Green Bay and New York and I’m usually disappointed.   I’m not going to predict scores this week, but if you must know the spread, Pittsburg wins by 14 and Chicago by 3.   Tell your bookie “Hi” for me.

Twofer Yesterday

Well, well, well!   Those of you who have doubted before will be amazed at a twofer from yesterday.   I’m sure all of you caught the big news out of Huntsville, AL yesterday.   That’s right, school board superintendent Ann Roy Moore is stepping down.   This is, of course, no surprise to me or to readers of my blog.    You can check the story here if you’re just dying for all of the juicy details.

http://www.whnt.com/news/whnt-huntsville-city-school-superin-01202011,0,4009335.story

Now, why was yesterday a twofer?   Well, on the plane flying back from San Francisco last night I was having a small altercation with the woman sitting in front of me.  I was on United, and in the back of the plane.   This means that I was effective shoved into a 2’x2’ square, just like the Yoga master on “That’s Incredible”.  (Right, the show with Fran Tarkenton)   Anyway, I’m shoved in there with my knees up against the back of the seat in front of me.   The lady attempts to recline, but my knees halt any backward movement of the seat.   After several tries, she finally turns and asks if that’s me that she keeps hitting.   I’m not sure how you’re supposed to respond to that question.    

Anyway,  I’m on a Airbus A320, so the galley is at the back.   When the flight attendants take the drink cart out, I head back to stand in the galley.   This gives me a relatively private, large open space for a good 45 minutes.   This is great way to fly if you haven’t tried it.   You’ve got lots of room to move around.   The only problems are that you have to stand and you have to keep telling people that you’re not in line for the bathroom.   I’m standing there, playing solitaire on my phone when another lady walks in and stands beside me.

“I’m not waiting for the bathroom”, I say.

“Oh, me neither”

“You must hate your seat too?”

“Are they smaller on United?”

“Yes!”

“Well”, she says, “Today was a beautiful day.”

“Yes, very nice.   Now I’m headed back to Portland where it will rain for the next 6 months.”

“Oh, no it won’t!”, she protested.

“Oh yes it will.”

About this time, her ?boyfriend?  pops around and she says to him, “This guy says it’s going to rain in Portland for the next 6 months.”

He says to me, “Don’t tell her that, I’ve been trying to get her to move to Portland.”

As those of you in Portland saw this morning, what was it doing?    That’s right, raining!

Never doubt my power!

I'm on a roll

So, the 10 Year Treasury, one of my favorite economic indicators.    I was so close on my prediction.  It actually closed at 3.39.   When you consider that it has closed between 3.3 and 3.5 everyday this year, you can see why my prediction of 3.28 was so close.   My power of prediction is unrivaled.    
I’m afraid that my vision continues to be clouded by bad sleep patterns.   I’ve been on the road too much and my dream states are messed up by rich food, strange beds, and unfamiliar people.  (Those three things are all happening separately.)   
I believe that over the next week we will see the resignation of a major political figure.   It could be national or local.   By major, I mean that they were elected by at least 100 people.   Watch the news carefully, this WILL happen.

Well, what do you expect?

As those of you who have followed my blog for a long time well know, my sports predictions are spotty at best.   I must have pushed too hard on Saturday looking for something when I should have just commented on the weather.    Let's not focus on what was wrong though; let's focus on what was right.   Chicago did actually beat Seattle.   I missed on the score a little bit, but it was pretty heartbreaking for Seattle fans.   More importantly, I went out for beers on Saturday afternoon and guess what my bar tab was.   That's right, $12.75.   (Come on, what's a quarter?!)   In any case, we should probably move on.

The power in my apartment was out yesterday and I had to reset all of my clocks.  Somehow, I reset my alarm clock with the wrong time.  (1 hour later than it actually was)   This meant that I got a very early start this morning.   It also must have disrupted my dream pattern.   I didn't get anything last night.    So my non-dream related prediction for today...

10 Year Treasury closes with a yield of 3.28.

NFL Football Predictions

I'm not going out on any big limbs this week with my predictions.  To tell the truth, I just haven't been feeling like I've got good vision right now.  The only dream I had last night was that I paid $12.50 for a beer, and I think that might have actually happened.   I'm going to just go ahead with the NFL playoff picture for this week.   Here we go...

Baltimore beats Pittsburg 27-24
Atlanta beats Greenbay 28-17
New England over New York 38-13
Chicago beats Seattle 34-31 (OT)  (This one is heartbreaking)